The Argument For Everything Being Normal
By O.K. Boomer (LawProBblawg)
Note: This is satire.
I’m so SICK of you all coddling those whipper-snapper law students! It’s so annoying!!!! I even added extra exclamation points to show I’m annoyed.
Stop coddling law students! They need to toughen up!
As you probably have guessed, I am against eliminating the bar exam in these exceptional times. Sure, there is a pandemic, and perhaps the worst worldwide depression seen since the 1930s, but hear me out.
First of all, COVID-19 is like a war. Our medical personnel are on the front lines of that war. Sure, it is a war at home, and many of us will lose and have lost loved ones. But it’s different. In a way I can’t describe. But it just is!
In World War II, people graduating from law school still had to take the bar exam. They were dealing with a worldwide war! Lots of death and destruction! So, by analogy, it makes perfect sense that you should all have to take the bar. Oh wait, they didn’t? There was diploma privilege in California during the 1906 Earthquake and World War II, but let’s not let facts get in the way of my argument!
Of course, you would have to do this bar exam in a completely different way than was done in World War II. You’d have to do this with pencil and paper. Wait, we can’t do that. Because COVID-19.
You know, lawyers have to do HARD WORK during exceptional times. And things should not change just because there is some national concern. Okay, there might have been orders during 9/11 that ordered parties to settle because the world was coming to an end, but don’t let facts get in my way of my argument: we shouldn’t coddle.
You know, there is a lot of complaining lately about how we are coddling people using too much compassion. Law students are facing the prospect of no jobs, online classes, and pass/fail exams. The pass/fail exams are pure coddling. You students should be required to take a grade on a final written by a professor that is purely focused on Lysol and cuddling in a closet with their cats.
Get off my lawn!
Sure, some states already have bar admission by diploma privilege. Wisconsin comes to mind. But there is a reason for that! There are many great beers in Wisconsin. Who has time to take a bar exam with all those good beers? If you could drink toe-to-toe with someone from Madison, then you should have diploma privilege too. The rest of you are wimps!
You might argue that this blog post hasn’t been an argument. You might be arguing that it isn’t even coherent. But I’m sorry — just look at my CV. Also, I’m modeling this blog post after the writings of famous law professors. So I can’t be wrong!
If you think I’m wrong, and you’re a law professor, you can sign this petition. But I’m not wrong. You’re all wimps. And get off my lawn!
O.K. Boomer is the Venerable Professor of Law at the University of Prestigious Suck It Up You Wimp University School of Law. We look forward to your donations once you pick yourself up by your bootstrap.This space for blogging was generously loaned by LawProfBlawg.
LawProfBlawg is an anonymous professor at a top 100 law school. You can see more of his musings here. He is way funnier on social media, he claims. Please follow him on Twitter (@lawprofblawg) or Facebook. Email him at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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